


I Hate you, I love you..

by cxpidsarrows



Series: Rina week 2020 [4]
Category: High School Musical: The Musical: The Series (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Rina Week 2020 (HSM: The Series), alexa play let her go by passenger, gina letting her emotions out <333, no- no death!, nothing too baddd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:20:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24205042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cxpidsarrows/pseuds/cxpidsarrows
Summary: In which Gina Porter and Ricky Bowen are professionals... at breaking each others hearts
Relationships: Ricky Bowen & Gina Porter, Ricky Bowen/Gina Porter
Series: Rina week 2020 [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1741630
Comments: 3
Kudos: 37





	I Hate you, I love you..

**Author's Note:**

> this is for Day 5 of rina week ( i skipped day 4) and it's a scene you want in season 2!. For context, I wasn't sure how much time passed between homecoming and gina leaving but I made it a few months since it was only a week time jump from the show and gina leaving so I thought it made sense!!! and also nini left for YAC and came back which is why she doesn't have a role in the show!
> 
> also, I would like to thank Tyler for giving me an idea that inspired this one-shot! and I would like to thank Fejiro for helping look over it and always helping me to not doubt myself <3 love you both
> 
> and like always please enjoy <333

After months of hard work, it was here, opening night of East High’s second performance of Beauty And The Beast. 

Gina sat in the dressing room, fluffing out her hair and fixing her black corset dress for the second act of the musical. She was Belle's understudy, but her ‘understudying’ wasn’t needed, so instead, she played Babette the feather duster.  _ Nice huh?  _

Sure it was sad being the understudy again, but she didn’t mind. Especially when she saw Kourtney sing her heart out to “Home”. Plus Gina refused, absolutely refused, to kiss EJ. 

First of all, the thought of kissing him was just gross. Second of all both Ej and Ashlyn developed into Gina's family ever since the winter musical. When Ej bought her the flight to Salt Lake and Ashlyn offered for Gina to move in with her, her world changed completely.

She had a real family. Don’t get her wrong, her mom was and always would be her family. And Gina still called and texted her every day telling her how much she missed her and loved her, but it was different. Gina would come home and the lights would be on. She didn’t have to cook for herself or (for the most part) cry herself to sleep. Not only was she not alone, but she didn’t  _ feel  _ alone __

She had someone to go to whenever she needed to goof around or cry her eyes out. 

And because of them, she would never change her decision to stay at East High for the world, even if it meant enduring the torturous feeling of unrequited love. 

Love? Unrequited love? How could a sixteen-year-old possibly know what that is? 

Well, believe it or not, she did. At first, it was just infatuation. Gina Porter admired the guy she kissed on the cheek in the car after homecoming and admired how they quickly became really good friends… confidants even.

More time passed and the infatuation slowly but surely turned into more. Maybe it was the facetime calls every night; the movie nights with Big Red; the way he always picked her up and dropped her off, never letting her walk to school or home alone. Maybe it was the song he sang to her; the hug he gave her where he spun her and made her feel alive; the stolen glances that she swore meant something. Maybe it was the fact they made almost a million memories in such a short-lived amount of time and she never absolutely never felt happier. 

But no matter what the reason she knew that she was in love with Ricky Bowen. And at one point she thought he was too….

She heard someone walk into the dressing room. Gina's head shot up to the mirror and was stunned at the sight of Ricky standing there, the dressing room door closing behind him.

“Oh, Gina.. sorry,” he said. “I didn’t notice you were there.” 

“It’s fine,” she nodded, laying down her eyeliner and quickly getting up from her seat. She wanted to avoid him as much as possible. It was hard considering he was playing Lumiere, but Gina didn’t care. She was professional. She acted and sang when she needed to act and sing, no matter what she felt. But this wasn’t a professional setting and she sure as hell didn’t have to act it, “I’ll go.” 

“Hey, wait.” He grabbed her arm, stopping her. 

Gina stopped hesitantly, she sighed before turning towards him, “Yeah?” 

“I just wanted to tell you that—you’re doing amazing out there.” 

Gina kept her face straight, her gaze cold and stoic, but inside she could feel her chest tighten and her stomach bubble with vicious butterflies as the touch of his fingertips lingered on like a third-degree burn.

She hated it. She hated herself for feeling this way. For being so weak when it came to this dumb boy with auburn curls and honey eyes. 

She remembered what she always used to say,  _ Gina Porter doesn’t fall for anybody  _ but fuck she did. She fell, and of course, it had to be into the one person she couldn’t have 

_ He has a girlfriend. You left for New York and he got back with her because he loved and loves her. He wants Nini…. So stop wanting him.  _

“Thank you,” she nodded, monotonously she reached out for the doorknob “you too” 

She pulled on the door expecting it to open, her eyebrows knitted in confusion at the fact it wouldn’t budge. “That’s weird...” she muttered 

“Here, let me try.” Ricky moved in front Gina trying to open the door with more force, but just like with her it wouldn’t move “It’s stuck” 

“What do you mean “it’s stuck”?” Gina scoffed, trying again, but it was no use.

“I mean “it’s stuck”.” Ricky huffed matter-of-factly. 

Gina rolled her eyes, as she began to shake the door more. 

“You’re going to break it,” Ricky mumbled.

“As long as it opens,” Gina pulled harder, “I don’t care if I take the damn door down” 

“Gina,” Ricky grabbed her by the shoulder and turned her around. “Calm down.” 

Holding a poker face she avoided eye contact with him, but she could feel the hard stare he had on her. She refused to look because she could tell that if she even glanced at those honey-golden brown eyes she would burst into a fit of tears.  _ And Gina didn’t feel like embarrassing herself tonight _ .

Sure, she had to look at him after he unknowingly broke her heart, but it was only ever Babette looking at Lumiere. Gina only ever looked at Ricky to glare and roll her eyes.

She knew she needed to get out of there. She needed to leave, she needed to be far away from him. After avoiding him for so long this was not the way she wanted to finally talk to him— not that she was planning to ever really talk to him again.

“Are you okay?” He asked, snapping her out of her trance.

Gina's eyebrows knitted together once again as she realized his arms still sat on her shoulders burning holes into her skin. She pushed him away subtly, but he still noticed. “I’m fine, Ricky.” 

She turned around trying the door again. “I just want to get the hell out of here.” 

“Leave the door alone, Gi.” He laughed, “I'll just text Red to come open.” 

“You can’t.” Gina sighed closing her eyes, as she leaned her forehead against the door 

“Why?” he asked confused 

“His phone is right there” Gina pointed in the bin with all of their phones. “All of our phones are in there Ricky—including yours” 

“Actually, I snuck mine out to be able to text Nini since she isn’t in the show, but yeah..” 

Gina could feel her heart wrench in her chest at him just mentioning her. She loved Nini, she did, but hearing her name coming out of Ricky's mouth always made her cringe in pain.

“Well, then there’s only one more thing to do.” Gina nodded calmly, before throwing her fists against the door. “Open! Help! I’m stuck!” she screamed.

“Gina!” he hushed, “Gina! They can’t hear you, and even if they do that means the whole auditorium will!” 

“That’s what I want!” She whipped around to look at him. “I want to get out of here.” 

“You will, soon. I’m in ‘Something There’ and they just started the wolf attack.” He said, hearing the sound of the orchestra begin to play. “They’re going to come looking for me soon. Just trust me.” 

Gina sighed. “Ok,” she muttered, storming back to her seat. If she couldn’t get out of here then she’d just stay silent until someone came to get him 

“Ok? That’s it?” 

“Yeah...” she nodded, looking at herself in the mirror 

“You don’t want to talk?” He asked. “Kill time?” 

“No,” she said without remorse. She knew she was being harsh, but who cares. She was protecting herself.

“What’s wrong with you?” he scoffed, watching as Gina rolled her eyes. “No seriously Gina, what the hell happened?” 

Gina could already feel herself get stressed as she stood from the chair looking through her bag for nothing specific but just a way to distract herself from him. “Nothing,” 

“No, something obviously happened that made you suddenly hate me.” 

“I don’t hate you.” She said simply, as she played around with things in her bag. 

“Then why are you acting like this.” He sighed. “I mean, god Gina, ever since the winter musical and since we found out you were staying, things changed. We used to be close. We used to get each other and talk and— and now you treat me like some kind of stranger.” He admitted. 

Gina continues to look for nothing in her bag, shutting her eyes in frustration.  _ Shut up. Shut up. Shut up, Ricky, shut the fuck up! _

She could feel her heart race and her breathing get shaky as she fought back the tears, fought back the urge to scream at him.

“Gina, please, I love you.” He said, “You’re one of my best friends. At least you were. The last time you actually talked to me that wasn’t you acting was to convince me to go back to the show on opening night! That was so long ago. Months ago. What happened?” 

Gina stayed silent, frustrating Ricky to no ends 

“God Gina! What the fuck? I’m trying to talk to you! I want to talk to you. I care about you! I love you! You’re my friend!” He yelled at her. “Why don’t you want to talk to me? Why do you suddenly hate me? Why do you suddenly not love me?”

That was what made something snap in her. The fact he said that SHE didn’t love him. The fact he invalidated everything she felt because she was guarding herself. She cried for him; hid her feelings for him; constantly stepping back not only because she thought it would protect her from rejection or keep her safe but because she thought it was the best thing she could do for him.  _ And he had the guts to say she didn’t love him.  _ Usually, Gina wouldn’t let the pain and anger get to her—but she couldn’t help it. Ricky had some kind of control over her and her feelings, he always knew how to get them out of her. 

“I don’t love you?” She asked sternly. Her voice wasn’t raised and she wasn’t aggressive. but the tone of her voice and the way she looked at him made Ricky realize he struck a chord in her. The thing was he didn’t mind.  _ ‘Maybe this way she’ll actually tell me how she’s feeling.’ He thought. _

“Are you stupid?” She scoffed, before raising a finger. “You know what? Don’t answer that.” 

Gina held her composure until he laid his hand on her shoulder and continued to challenge her. “You don’t love me. If you loved me, you would tell me what’s wrong?” 

“God Ricky!” She pushed him. “You’re so stupid!” she screamed, pushing him back. “So unbelievably stupid, you asshole!” 

“Why? What did I do?!” he asked genuinely. He wanted her to tell him why she avoided him and why she was so cold to him. And if taking insults from her and getting shoved was the way to get those answers, then so be it. 

“You let me fall in love with you!” she cried.

Ricky fell silent. He expected a lot of things to fall out of her mouth… but not that. 

Tears spilled out of Gina's eyes easily. After holding them in for so long, they streamed down like a leaky faucet. She sniffed as her eyes began to get red.

“You wanted to hear that, huh?” She nodded, “You wanted me to tell you how I feel. Well, then here you go. I’m in love with you and I hate you for it. You're wrong Ricky, I don’t hate you. I despise you.”

Once she started she couldn't stop. It was like Ricky flipped the switch inside of her and everything that she held back broke away from its cage.

“I hate you so much. I hate you because you got back together with Nini without warning, without realizing that I loved you. I hate you because you let us have all of those moments; because you let me fall in love with you just so that you could forget about it all in a week. I hate you because when I tried to ignore it and push it deep down and make all of those feelings go away, you do this. You make me admit it when all I’ve been trying to do is not say it and not feel it. I hate you because I’m trying to be a good friend to Nini and you ruined that. You know that you are the only one who can make me break down my walls, and you made me talk. I hate you because I can’t think about anything or anybody except you. I hate you because I love you more than I thought I could ever love someone.”

“Gina–” Ricky stepped forward to reach out for her. He wasn't sure what or why, all he knew was he wanted her to stop crying, to stop hurting. He looked into her eyes. He noticed it many times – the spark, the glimmer. He could see passion and want in her eyes for a long time but he never knew what it meant. And now that he did, he _ really  _ didn't want the look to go. 

“Why couldn't you have just let it go?” she cried, her hands shaking. “Just let me go. It's like no matter how far you are, no matter how much I push you away, you still have your damn hands around me and I'm sick of it. I don't want to feel this. I don't want to love you.”

Ricky couldn't say anything. He was speechless and confused about everything, everything she said hit him like a ton of bricks. He wished he knew what to say, whether it be “ _ I love you too, Gina. _ ” Or “ _ I’m sorry, Gina. I love Nini _ .” He just wanted to be able to do something, say something. Most of all he wanted to make it up to her; to make up for every tear that fell from her brown eyes and every deep cut in her once indestructible heart. 

“Gina,” he stepped forward as warm tears fell down his eyes. “Gi, I never meant.”

“Don’t.” She moved back. “Don't give me the pity talk. I don't need it.” She said, breathing in sharply as she harshly wiped the tears.

“This doesn't matter, I know it doesn't. And don't feel bad, because even though I'm blaming you, I know it's my fault. It was me. I fell in love. I got my hopes up. I ruined this just like I ruined everything.”

“Gina, you don’t ruin everything. You–”

“Guys, what the hell?” They both jumped, turning to see Big Red standing with the dressing room door wide open. “Ricky, you’re literally up right now!”

“And Gina,” Big Red looked to see how Gina stood in front of Ricky, her mascara smudged under her eyes and cheeks puffy and stained with tears. Red frowned, Ricky looked similar, but he didn't look anywhere near as pained as Gina did. “What happened, Gi? Are you okay?”

“Nothing.” Gina wiped her eyes. “Nothing important happened.” she nodded “I’m perfect, Red.”

She walked towards her bag, pulling it as she wiped away the smudged mascara with a makeup wipe. “I just need to go fix my makeup.” She laughed, making her way out the door. 

“Wait! Gina, don’t.” Ricky tried, hoping to figure this out. But there was no time. He had to get on stage and they both knew it. Yet only one of them was relieved about it.

“No, Ricky. Leave it. After everything that's happened, there's just no point anymore…” She said leaving the room. Ricky could feel his heart drop as he watched her walk away again. It brought him back to Thanksgiving, the same overwhelming feeling of dread fulfilling him. He let her slip away before.  _ Did he want to let her go again _ ? 

“No–” He stepped forward to go after her, but Big Red stopped him. 

“Hey, hey,” he said, “you have to get on stage.” 

“Yes but–”

“Gina can wait. Okay?” Red sighed. “I don't know what happened, but she loves you. She cares about you so much and she understands better than anyone the importance of being professional. She’ll wait. Now go. Hurry!” 

Ricky frowned but obliged, making his way towards the auditorium. ‘ _ Gina will wait,’  _ he thought. But he knew that it was wrong… He knew that she wouldn’t wait. He knew that she'd tried for so long to wait it out, push the feelings away, and repair the damage that he caused. He knew that she was sick of waiting and that he needed to act before it was too late. If he wanted to fix things  _ easily  _ with Gina, he needed to fix them as fast as possible. And that’s why he needed to figure out what he felt.  _ Quickly _ . But he didn't think it would have to be tonight.

They finished the show, it was curtain call and Ricky watched from backstage as everyone bowed. He looked across the stage to see Gina backstage doing the same thing. As he looked at her, his eyebrows furrowed. He noticed the way her curly hair shaped her face perfectly and the way her bright smile left him in awe. He couldn’t help but feel his heart race. Something he’s felt many times before when it came to Gina, but could never really put a label on it.

It was because of Nini. He did love Nini. He loved her, but did he love Gina too? He didn’t know if that was possible. But all he knew was that now that Gina confessed her feelings to him, his brain was on overload. Everything he thought he knew was now tangled up in his brain leaving him to be so unbelievably confused.

And as they got their signal that it was time for their part of the curtain call, he became nervous. They walked slowly towards the front of the audience and his eyes caught Nini. He smiled in his girlfriend’s direction and she waved at him happily.

He then turned to look towards Gina. He grabbed her by the waist, dipping her just like it was practiced during rehearsal. When he dipped her there was a pause. He looked into her eyes and felt his heart break into pieces. The once shining, glittering, passionate eyes that held a spark were now dimmed, blank, and dull. 

His heart practically shattered in his chest when he realized he didn’t have to decide. Gina had already done that for him. She wasn’t going to hurt Nini and she didn’t want to complicate his life even more.

She decided that she wasn’t even going to be an option for him. 

_ He realized that he lost her. _

_ He was too late and he lost her. _

_ And that’s when he figured it out…. _

_ He  _ **_ did  _ ** _ love Gina… _

_ And now she slipped out of his fingers...and there was no one to blame but himself. _

...but what he didn’t know was that Gina was just one _hell_ of an actress… 

**Author's Note:**

> and then Ricky pines over gina for all of season 3 yup yup


End file.
